By Andy Moore
Your heart beats faster every time you clap eyes on him. He wears no wedding ring nor has family photos on his desk. The coast looks clear: If only you could ‘accidently bump into him’ outside the surgery. Which supermarket does he shop at? you ask yourself. ‘Don’t be ridiculous’, says your conscience. How can you switch conversations from foot sores to supermarkets?
Doctor dating disorder…
So, you’re in a bit of a pickle. Fear not. Uniformdating.com has some cures for doctor-dating dilemmas. Here they are:
Patient: Doctor, I have flushed cheeks, a racing heartbeat and clammy hands every time I see a doctor. Is this normal?
Doctor. Cure: Very. It looks like you have symptoms of the science of love. You don’t need cream for your flushed cheeks or to take deep breaths for your thumping heart. Instead I prescribe this: Practise asking him out three times a day after meals. Be careful though as it may cause infatuation.
Patient: Doctor, my head’s a little confused. I’m worried that many doctors are attached or married. Are there any free and single?
Doctor. Cure: Certainly. There are no fewer than 260,000 doctors registered in the UK, reports the List of Registered Medical Practitioners (LRMP). So no shortage of stethoscope-savvy professionals to find romance with. 250 people per doctor in fact!
Patient: Wow, thanks, doctor. But my migraine means I cannot do the maths. Are there fewer lady doctors to ask out than male doctors?
Doctor. Cure: Not necessarily. Take a chill pill. There are a healthy number of women doctors to have a crush on: 114,096 in the UK to be precise. So, like exercise, this news should sedate your racing heart. That’s good news for your health too.
Patient: Thanks, doctor. I have tried these remedies – but now I’m unsure that I fancy this particular doctor. Are there any other doctors specialising in different fields to choose from? I’m keen to try as many remedies as possible.
Doctor. Cure: Well, safety in numbers should give you peace of mind. When it comes to dating doctors, there are hundreds of fields to choose from. I would prescribe dating someone in popular medical professions. The numbers in the UK are as follows: Anaesthetics 10,701; general medicine 9,660; general psychiatry 5,631 and paediatrics 5,605.
Patient: Wow, that’s a lot! But what if my heart’s set on a doctor of a different ethnic origin? Can you advise just how many different doctor nationalities there are in the UK? I’m having palpitations.
Doctor. Cure: Sure. Lie down in a darkened room, and take heed of this: 30,935 doctors are Indian, 10,536 are Pakistani, 4,780 are Chinese, 1,520 are Bangladeshi and 8,906 are of Asian background. There are also thousands of medical students and graduates to date.
Patient: OK, doctor. One last symptom: This particular doctor I fancy. ‘I just can’t him out of my head. Boy, his loving is all I think about.’ What should I do? I can’t eat, sleep or function.
I know! I think I have the cure, Doctor. What are you doing tomorrow night?
Doctor. Cure: Nothing. I thought you’d never ask…