Question: I met a woman online and gave her my phone number. We texted for a little while and after few weeks, we decided that it was time that we met and go on a date. When we finally met up for the date, everything was going pretty well. We laughed, we did equal amounts of talking, she was playing with her hair… It was a good time. When the end of the date came, she initiated a hug and that was that.
Even though I wanted to text her the next day, I didn’t. Later that day, she was the one who sent me a text to thank me for the wonderful night before. Before I knew it, we were in the midst of a text conversation.
My question is, how do I change the texting pattern so that I show her I am not too eager to talk to her and that I have control. Is it too late?
Answer: Texting has taken the place of the phone call for many people—it’s just the way technology has evolved. So, technology isn’t the problem here. The reason why your date got back to you so soon and you didn’t have to is because you left things open. You didn’t make plans to see each other again, so when she didn’t hear from you, she took it upon herself to get in touch with you. Sure, she may not have asked you directly on a second date; she was giving you the opportunity to ask her.
Let’s say the topic of a second date comes up. Your first instinct may be to ask her out as soon as possible. Hold off on that thought though. Instead of making plans right away, say something to the effect of, “I’m busy this weekend, but we will get together soon.”
When you say something like this, you are talking about future plans (which is what she wants), but you are also giving yourself some time so that you can slowly break the woman’s habit of texting you.
Now, it is rather rude to completely ignore any questions she may ask you, so you do have to respond somehow. How do you respond without feeding into the conversation? Simple. Just say something like “I enjoy talking to you face to face much more than through text.” Should she text you again (without asking to meet up to chat), repeat yourself. You may find it difficult to stay polite if she keeps texting you and doesn’t take the hint, but if she is worth the effort, you’ve got to hold your ground.
Since you are still in the beginning stages of getting to know one another, it isn’t too late to change the communication pattern. You will have to bear in mind that it isn’t a good idea to start any kind of pattern because once you deviate from that pattern, she will become suspicious and start asking questions.
A good rule of thumb when it comes to texting is to only do it when you are setting up the date; not as a means of legitimate communication.