How to Start Dating Again Post Divorce and Deployment

Civilian Friends

It’s hard enough trying to acclimate yourself to life once you return from being deployed for a number of months; but when you add that to being newly divorced, it can make things that much more difficult. If you still married, you would be able to confide in your spouse about the things you seen and done, they could comfort you and help you readjust. On the flip side, you can look at being divorced as a good thing, as you can get back out there and start dating again.

Some people may not be so willing and ready to get back into the dating scene, especially if they are still active in the military. Although for those who do want to get back out there, there are some simple ways to start dating after the divorce.

1. Hang Out With Your Civilian Friends

Depending on how long you’ve been gone (or married), the places where you used to meet singles may have a different crowd hanging out there or a completely different atmosphere. Your friends will be able to tell you where the best places to meet singles are (that is, if you don’t want to try online dating).

2. Be the Pursued, not the Pursuer

You might feel like your time is limited to find someone to date because you never know when or where you will be deployed next. You don’t want to seem too eager or even desperate when you are out and about. Instead, bide your time and let the singles come to you. Once they find out you are in the military, they will be flocking for your attention.

3. Make Sure They Understand Your Career

Unfortunately, people who want to date someone in the military rarely understands what it means to be with them — unless they come from a military family or have dated a military person before. When you are talking to someone new and you want to start seeing them on a regular basis, clue them in on how long you may be gone when you are deployed. Let them know that they may spend holidays and birthdays alone. You want to fully disclose everything, that way they understand that it won’t be easy, but it will be so worth it.

4. Try to be Understanding

Before when you were deployed somewhere and come back, your spouse would understand not to insist on you telling them what you did and saw while you were away. When you are dating someone who is new to the military lifestyle, it is going to be inevitable that they will want to know about what you do. Try not to get upset at them, just calmly tell them that you don’t want to talk about it. On the other hand, because you have experienced things that your new civilian partner couldn’t fathom, try not to lash out at them when they complain about their job — no matter how trivial their complaints may seem.